Marriage: The extinction of an institution 3

By LAWRENCE CHITERI
Published January 30, 2010

No known parent ever gleefully let go of their daughters. Many parents even set almost impossible demands, just impulsively to keep their daughters for a little longer, from leaving them. On the other hand, they considered it an honour to have their daughter readied for marriage. The ironies in this case were caused by dual feelings, precipitated by natural filial elements. Therefore when the delegation from Peter’s clan indicated their intentions, the parents of Ruth asked them to give them time, after which they would get back to them.

After the delegation leaves Ruth’s home, her grandmother is summoned and told to let her know that, Ruth’s hand has been sought in an arrangement for prospective marriage. The news would not surprise Ruth in the least. In the same home as Ruth, are definitely other unmarried girls, but it is very obvious who is in line to get married. It was taboo for a younger girl to be married before her elders, and Ruth knows that the delegation to their home was actually hers.

The custom on prioritizing social activities and rituals on the basis of hierarchy, was indeed a means for maintaining order and respect. Social contract was made meaningful only because people knew their place, responsibilities, rights and privileges. The trickle down arrangement was more transient in the institution of marriage, and nobody tried to contest this. Later in the evening, Ruth is summoned by her grandmother, and the news of her marriage proposal is broken. She has virtually been on the spotlight after her immediate elder sister got married, and she is not surprised at all.

Henceforth Ruth’s movements are supposed to be under surveillance by so many eyes, also classified as stakeholders. There are Peter’s clansmen, who will still be in their background search business. Likewise the elders in Ruth’s clan want to ensure she does not triple at this moment, when she is in the spotlight. Ruth has to sieve through her company, restrict her movement out of the home, and dress in a manner that would not put her reputation to question. One look at her new station is expected to exhibit a person on the verge of a major transition.

From the corner of the eyes of contemporaries, Ruth gets to know who this suitor is, the truth is that they might only have remotely known each other. In the very deep past ,they would not even have known each other; some arrangement would be put in place to make them aware of the impending ritual and that was all. However as times changed, they knew each other even if remotely, which today is actually considered in the domain of modernity. Many people have subverted the idea of physical romance over spiritual romance. Remember Romeo and Juliet? These were people very well guarded by their families.

A little like was the case in our cultures; the parents of Juliet and Romeo were very keen on what either person did. This was extended to people who coalesced around them, like Tybalt on the side of Juliet and Bevolio for Romeo. Remember that to reach Juliet, Romeo had to play the risk card, and jump over the orchard wall! That is where the similarities end. In our culture, a man would for no reason want to sneak into the girl’s home, it was even taboo. In fact in all instances, the interaction was by proxies. This was considered a means of exhibiting privacy, pride for oneself and propriety.

Speaking of physical romance calls to mind the culture of direct wooing; whose main ingredient was physical romance. Here the two people engaged in limitless physical contact. They meet, hold hands, sit in public places, especially restaurants or bars, drank alcohol, and kissed openly. The purpose and place of marriage was ordained and sacred, it was not the place to practice activities born of lust. That is why Ruth and Peter, have to wait for the two sides of elders to conclude negotiations. The elders on the side of Ruth accepted the proposal, but put it on hold till they are satisfied that there are no inhibitions to the proposed marriage. They like Peter’s clan will, discreetly verify that there are no untoward social barriers before reporting to a delegated sitting of elders.

When the clan of Ruth has decided that Peter’s background is satisfactory, they will give consent to Peter’s clan, and marriage negotiations will begin. The ball is now squarely in the court of Peter’s clan and they have serious business to pursue. They can heave a sigh of relief, knowing that this was the toughest stage in marriage arrangement. That a proposal had gone through, was cause for internal satisfaction, but not just yet; a grueling session of negotiation ensued. Peter and Ruth will have to go through tough negotiations before becoming husband and wife.

To be continued.

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