Marriage: The extinction of an institution 2

By LAWRENCE CHITERI
Published January 22, 2010

Peter has reached what everybody in his family- extended and immediate – confidently sees as maturity. When a man met certain characteristic physical features, including initiation; they were fully qualified to give liberty to their eyes. This means that they could seek the hand of a woman and marry. That this was not a private affair is not lost on Peter and as was customary; he has decided to announce his feelings, and the recipient is none other than his own father. He entreats his audience, and deep in the silent night, father and son are together to speak man to man.

After brief preliminary niceties, Peter’s father decides to drop the gauntlet, “son, I notice a twinkle in your eyes, could someone have struck them?” Parents had an intuitive way of reading body language and the excitement that came with a person getting hooked. It had absolutely nothing to do with sooth saying or genius. It was an experienced hand over observational tact and acumen. Peter is shocked at the angle from which his father wants to take the issue. He had wanted to own every facet of this session, like every nascent beholder of a lady to be suited.

After a short spell of silence, Peter retorts, “father, how did you read my thoughts?  I was coming to it,” to which a patronizing father reacts, “what an old man sees seated, a young person cannot see atop the tallest tree. Anyway who is it?”  This was the penultimate question. Every parent wanted to know who the prospective partner to their children was. At the onset, all that mattered was the revelation as to whose daughter it was, or on the part of the woman, whose son it was.

After revealing the background of the prospective partner, things would begin to happen or not, depending on myriad issues. Peter has elaborately described Ruth from the perspective of whose daughter she is and where she hails from. After brief queries, his father releases him on assurance he would get back to him. Peter knows this business is serious and will take as long as one year to complete. Unlike the trend today, he will entertain only restricted contact with the Ruth. Meanwhile, his father will speak to a select group of elders, about his son’s proposal.

The base truth is that whereas Peter had one biological father and mother, there were uncles and his father’s contemporaries in the wider family scheme, without which serious issues like marriage would not go on. These elders were entwined in the affairs of Peter, along with their own sons; otherwise deemed Peter’s brothers in the communal circle of responsibility. Peter will be called upon to stand before a small council to reiterate his proposal. He will then be assured of the collective involvement in the whole project, for that is what it was.

After the elders have accepted that Peter really qualifies to get a wife, and that the time was right; they set to conduct a background search on the proposed Ruth. The background search was a discreet matter and the family of Ruth was not expected to be privy of it. This was a highly delicate matter and woe upon that person who dared breach the codes of secrecy. The terms of the background search were vast. The search team sought to establish the background of Ruth, and first be sure that there was no blood relation between her family and that of Peter. Every effort was made to ensure that relations bound by blood did not get replicated in marriage.

The search team was also to establish whether Ruth was in the range of marriage; or if she met other set societal requirements. Then it was further the work of this team to ensure that Ruth’s lineage was pure; in that there was no case of wizardry, murder, suicide or any such acts as would constitute abomination. The reasoning was that genetic functioning would see the replication of such unwanted traits in the offspring. The search team would make their findings known at a sitting, where serious evaluation was done. People who did not physically take part in the background search, would pose questions, and sieve the answers they received.

If the search team sent a verdict of doubt, thorough confirmation leading to fresh enquiries ensued. If the team was satisfied, they declared their satisfaction, and Peter will be invited before the group of elders. At this meeting he will be told that his proposal was approved by the elders; and that they would select a team to go to the parents of Ruth to make a formal proposal. The long journey will just have begun. Will the family of Ruth just hand over their daughter in glee? Forget it…

To be continued.

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