Our time has come and men need to wake up to the change!

By RENEE MURRAY
Published November 5, 2009

When people blame women for everything that is wrong with marriages and relationships today, I understand where they are coming from. Think about it. Men have always been the way they are; domineering and egotistical. Women on the other hand, have come from being meek and voiceless, to moderately having a voice and being more assertive; dependent to being independent. In short, it has been an evolutionary journey to hell and back!

We used to be very obedient to the point of slavery. Our men would ask us to jump, and we would ask, “How high, my Lord?” We would get married, and forget about our careers just to take care of him and the children, the many children he would want to have! Some women would even throw education out of the window because after all, men never cared how educated their women were. All you had to prove was that you could be a good homemaker, have children and take care of them and most importantly, be capable of taking extra good care of him.

Education was for the big-headed good for nothings. They would never get husbands. Who would want to marry a woman who thought she knew everything?

So there we were, getting it right as required of us. We knew our place in the home to be the kitchen. Preferably bare feet and pregnant. Divorce rates were low, and our men were happy. That is because perseverance was second nature to us. We endured it all. We called it love, we called it marriage and we even called it ‘normal’. Women hung onto abusive relationships long enough to have children. Then from there it was easy to get an excuse; they were in it for the children who needed their fathers. Families never broke up, and through our perseverance our children were brought up by both parents. What a worthy cause!

We never complained mainly because we never expected much from our men. We took what we got and insisted on being satisfied, not to ask much. It was unladylike to demand more and all of us strived to be ladies of substance. Everything our men did, we adored. We closed our eyes to any wrong doing and applauded any positive act of thoughtfulness that was directed our way by our men. These moments were so rare, but that did not stop us from telling it from the top of the mountains for all to know. We bragged about how wise our men were and even tried to outdo each other on singing their praises.

To reward our loyalty, our men married second, third and even fourth wives shoving the fact that one woman was never enough for a man to our face! That was acceptable to the society. To reward our obedience, they abused us physically and emotionally if we dared slip-up. To reward our hard work, they aligned well behaved offspring to themselves and blamed us for any wayward child that we raised. A good son was said to take after his father, while a bad one took after his mother. We nodded in agreement to this creed.

For decades, we were quiet, and acted just as society expected of us. But the men kept taking, and taking, each time coming for more than before. They did not see it fit to give us credit for our hard work, loyalty, and attention. Since they knew we did not know any other way of life, they ensured that we depended entirely on them; emotionally, financially, you name it.

We suffered in silence, as our men used, abused and ironically depended on us to hold the family together. We did this for decades- but a human being can only take so much.

Life had to change. Women had to change, and it hasn’t been easy. First, we sought to be independent. That annoyed them so much, and they did all in their power to make it even more difficult. To finish school and pursue our career, we have had to put marriage life and motherhood on hold. Until recently, some organizations could not put married women in high ranking positions due to the fear that they might have to go for maternity leave or attend to family matters, costing the company a lot in terms of man hours. As a result, you will find a woman, trying to settle down at 30 plus years because unlike our male counterparts, she cannot not do both; pursue a career and have a family. Our men on the other hand finish school, get married and start a family, while still pursuing their careers, as their wives take care of everything domestic. We have always had absentee fathers. Those that still need to achieve their goals and have no time for their families. As always, women have been there to clean up after their mess.

Since women started demanding ‘humane’ treatment from their men, there have been complaints on how manner less we are, over demanding and as a result we are breaking up our families. The reality of the matter is, we are tired of fixing up their mess. When we did that, everything looked ok, neat and clean on the surface. That is because we took all that garbage in. Now, there is this big mess in our families, our relationships, our marriages and our society being made by the men, but women have decided, enough is enough. They seem to be saying in unison Mjipange!

Divorce is on the increase, families are breaking up, our children are living it up like there is no tomorrow and our society is generally disintegrating. When will the men step up to make a difference? When will you ever instill discipline to your children, teach responsibility to your sons and daughters? When will you give values that make our children good citizens and adults? When will you appreciate that woman who gives up everything she knows and loves just to make you and your children happy?

Explore your souls gentlemen. We are where we are because we have been driven to the edge. The only choice was to jump to our downfall, or push back. So, blame it on the women, all you want. Just don’t expect a butterfly of one that has metamorphosed into a caterpillar!

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