Divorce consciousness: why certain precautions are necessary!

“She cried and the judge wiped her eyes with my checkbook”-Tommy Manville, famous Manhattan Socialite.

By SILAS NYANCHWANI
Published October 28, 2009

When a woman wants a divorce and her husband does not, expect trouble. She will rope in women rights activists, the federation of female lawyers, the media as well as public sympathy (mainly women). In a well-choreographed drama, the innocent public will be treated to a one-sided story where a man is portrayed as a villainous monster.

When a man wants a divorce and the woman does not, it is different. The man will be dealing with his lawyer mainly and religiously attending to the court summons hoping that the judge might empathize and cut short the case. The public is normally unsympathetic and the media may not take him seriously. Should he as much try to make noise, he can only attract ridicule and will automatically be regarded as a wimp.

Divorce is naturally presumed to be initiated by women, since they are the likeliest to be offended by the never ending adulterous liaisons of the husband. They are twice as likely to be affected by the husband’s alcoholism and of course they are the ones likely to be abused.

In they file for divorce, they often employ various ways; some ingenious and others not so. The man is hardly ever ready to match to the courtroom. Inevitably the infuriated wife will have to use special force, a tactic that many women have learnt. She can call the man names; lay bare all the nitty-gritty of their relationship, cry her heart out and the news reporter often does a superb job in highlighting her plight. For the man, such a stunt is unthinkable.

But the number of men who want out of their marriages has grown considerably in the recent past. Many want a quiet and undramatic exit but women have learnt to stand their ground and make it difficult. These men have learnt the mention of the D-word is stirring the hornet nest literally. Their wives will sing around the estate that it is the other woman who will have to go and not them. The man is faced with two overwhelming odds; the wife making a lot of noise in the neighbourhood and the court taking its time with the case.

And every time a marriage hits the rock, the neighbours through some magic alchemy will invariably know. The proceedings of the break-up are always the subjects in the nearest salon, barber shop, gym and any other place where gossiping takes place. And make no mistake! Divorce is a fight. Not just about property and children. It is a battle of the wits. Whoever gets the last laugh will be applauded, for there must be a loser both materially and psychologically.

Gone are the days when divorce was but a distant possibility when people got married. None paid attention. Today it is a possible outcome of many marriages now and into the future. The number of marriages that have come to a stalemate is startlingly high.

Divorce has become a reality and every person getting into marriage is highly conscious of the fact. So conscious of the fact that necessary precautions are coming into play before one slips the ring into the finger. Women for instance have begun reconsidering changing their names to their spouse’s. And those who had done so are reverting to their maiden names.

Nowadays before signing the dotted line many issues are deliberated. The complications that arise upon divorce are too dreadful to be taken for granted. So things like joint property ownership are given their due weight before registering them. Women are now learned, they earn good cash and they contribute towards property buying and developing. But they are not letting their husbands take full charge. Rather than battling it out in the court, better counter any future snag.

A while ago, I used to see men in the countryside buying property and registering it under their wives’ name. No town dweller will dare try such a stunt. Women around are too enlightened. You might lose everything and end up toiling to pay her some more.

Divorce is officially upon us. As women have gone to school, got the jobs of their dreams, earning good perks, they have become fiercely independent. Their dependence on men did help to sustain marriage. Modernity has liberated them but at the same time spawned unprecedented divorce rates that we have begun to witness. Nowadays everyone is busy and no one wants to hang on onto something that curtails their freedom, ambition and pursuit of individual happiness in the misty explanation of sacrifice.

Divorce laws may as well be straightened out. Currently, every second man in the streets believes that the existing laws favour women. Granted, men are the likeliest first offenders, but nowadays women have joined the fray. And it is not funny. The law does not adequately solve the divorce, children and property equation.

When individuals settle for a divorce, it means they have crossed the irreconcilable line and no turning back. Dialogue is futile. Anything that delays separation sickens and is unnecessarily stressful. Divorce does not in any way mean that the couples have misunderstood each other. Rather they do understand each other so perfectly now. Only that some take so long to learn.

Since the courts handle the divorce cases in the slowest possible ways individuals are coming with ways of circumventing the law. Individuals now buy property without the knowledge of the spouses, especially men. When the judge ‘unceremoniously’ gives ‘his’ property away, he can still afford to laugh to the bank. Men are also running parallel families, where the mistress is accorded some considerable esteem. Little wonder then that some move on rather fast after the divorce. This way it is easier rather than working it out in the courtroom where the law will be applied and no justice will be done.

As the old joke goes, in marriage you fall into love and in divorce you climb out. The climb might not be easy.

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