Women spoil marriages by seeking too much attention

BY AMOR NAMUOTO
Published September 6, 2009

If a woman demands too much attention from her lover, then I hate to remind her that she is probably living an artificial life. She is emotionally immature, have very low self-esteem or lacks self-confidence. An emotionally mature woman never hunts for attention; it comes to her naturally, from how she carries out her work, how she dresses, and welcome visitors, socialize at workplaces and care for her relationship. This is why I abhor excessive attention seeking behavior.

Men usually know the kind of women who seek too much attention. Normally, they apply some thick colored pencils above their eyelids; apply too much mascara; wear spaghetti tops even when it is freezing cold; apply lipsticks even during a meal; and make wayward comments about how hot guys look like. Huh!

Why, women, why? Did you know that men don’t care about such unnecessary attention? It doesn’t help, and I agree.

These women behave like rich angels, yet they sleep on the couch in their aunt’s one-bedroomed house. They usually choose the most expensive hotels in town for a date, yet they do not even know how to eat rice using a folk. Normally, they are quick to find fault in the ‘other woman’s’ dressing code while forgetting that they lack the physique for the pedal-pusher they are wearing.

Women put too much emotional attachment in a relationship such that during a breakup, it is more draining to them than to men. It is because they spend too much time seeking attention at the expense of making the relationship work. Some women demand that they receive text messages from their lovers every morning when they wake up, and before they sleep. That is on top of receiving at least two phone calls per day from their lovers. Gosh! Do they pay men to do all the donkeywork?

Some women even demand a special introduction when a female candidate is involved. That is what single men like me call ‘bullshitting’. For example, when one goes to a party with his girlfriend, and there are single-girls in the room, she will want an exhaustive introduction to make her proud. Strong catchy phrases like ‘my beautiful girlfriend’, ‘we live together’, ‘we’ve been dating for 4 years’, and ‘my parents like her alot’, are the ones you must throw in to keep her mouth shut. Otherwise, she will throw every claw at you thinking that you were not proud of her because you were interested in the other women.

For men caught in such kinds of affairs, please look to your right.

In affairs where a woman lacks self-confidence, she will counter these feelings by creating scenes that makes her the center of attention. The desire for attention makes her compare herself with her neighbor and fantasize her neighbor’s husband making sexual moves toward her. That is what we men call ‘crap.’

Regretfully, all women seek men’s attention. Excessive indulgence in attention seeking is caused by emotional immaturity. This inherent immaturity on the part of women also causes older women to seek sexual relationships with younger men who can provide the attention they need.

This reminds me of Mercy*. Mercy was a 40-year-old teacher at my local school in the village. I was 20 when we first met; fresh from high school and interested in Mercy’s 17-year-old daughter. When I joked with her about it, she told me, “Unless I am not a woman.” She did all she could to block me from even seeing her daughter. But few months into the joke, I was dating Mercy.

I did this thinking that one day I will find the tunnel that led to her daughter’s heart. But I was in for a rude shock. Mercy kept demanding for my attention in every way possible. Often, she feigned illnesses so that I could go and attend to her. Her tactic was to show her daughter that she had no chance with me at any cost. What Mercy achieved then was to manipulate my emotions and have my attention by feigning suffering. Being an empathetic person, I fell for it. As a ‘self-appointed’ doctor, she always allowed me into her bedroom, and we finished the treatments with sex.

Until now, I am not sure whether her kids knew what was going on. But they certainly knew a ‘doctor’ kept visiting their mother and they shared the story with their father. When I got news that the enraged husband was looking for me, I hurriedly packed all my clothes in my rickety bag and left for Nairobi that same evening. That was how Mercy’s marriage ended too.

Mercy’s episode had ‘frozen my tail’ to a point that I hated dating. By the time I was now meeting Vera* I hadn’t dated for 2 years.

But Vera wasn’t like Mercy. She was single, 3 years my junior, and childless. When angels of beauty visited the world last time, they visited Vera too. She was a crossbreed between a Kikuyu father and a Taita mother. Her eyelids had those tics from the mother; they reminded me of Mercy’s daughter. Her shape, complexion and height matched the requirements for a beauty queen; they reminded me of a Nice & Lovely billboard picture I had seen in Nakuru town.

Vera was unique. When I told her about my affair with Mercy, she quickly turned into a relationship counselor. Little did I know that she too had other interests. Indeed, with all her beauty for keeps, I was rendered vulnerable. Well, am I not human?

However, it barely took 2 weeks before I realized that Vera was a devil herself. To help me ‘heal from the past,’ she demanded to control my Facebook page and emails. I agreed. Next, she was on my cell phone, always telling me to tell whoever called that I was busy with her.

Again, Vera loved sex like a pig; as if it was her hobby. The final straw came when she called me that she desperately needed to install a software on my computer, but it couldn’t allow her. So I rushed to the house only to find her nude. When I refused, she began sobbing. But I never backed down. That evening, she accused me of ‘not giving her enough of myself’ yet I spend several hours with other girls at work.

I quickly reminded her that she came into my life as a ‘rescuer’ yet she had turned into a ‘tormentor’. Then, we broke up.

Most attention-seeking women think that by having sex with us, we should show gratitude by allowing them to control us like they do with their purses. Please, wake up, women!

Nothing is as tormenting as having your mind manipulated by these attention-seeking women for their own selfish gains. They demand that our thoughts, time and deeds should revolve around them. And as long as women will not stop seeking such unnecessary attention, I will not date.

My experience with Vera was vital in helping me deal with Josephine*. Josephine, a vivacious 26-year-old mother of three, had problems with her husband’s promiscuity. Therefore, they ended up divorcing. When I met her, she was an assistant human resource personnel at an NGO in Nairobi. Josephine’s earlier life was simple. She married her first ever lover with whom she sired the three children. After trying desperately to help him stop his promiscuity, she decided to leave him for fear of contracting AIDs.

Josephine loved me because I was a senior bachelor and desperately wanted to marry. So, by ‘catching’ me, she thought she would persuade me into marriage. Although I had earlier lost the passion for sex, I decided to try dating her hoping that it would work despite the other recent unsuccessful attempts.

With my busy academic work, I never had the time to attend to her every need. To reignite the old romantic rhythm we had begun with, she started pulling my attention by manipulating my feelings. Many times, she claimed that I was ignoring her yet her ex-husband was planning to harm her because she loved me. Therefore, she wanted me to ‘improve’ on how I looked after her, ‘our’ children and ‘our’ house.

Her ploy worked up to a point, until I discovered that she was just seeking my attention by making herself the victim. She felt excluded from my life, and because she was trying to force me into taking care of her kids against my will, our quarrels usually reached dramatic proportions. Seven months into the affair, I had had enough of the attention-seeking devils within her. It was time to move on.

The most difficult thing about understanding the attention seekers is that they are also choosy about whose attention they attract. There are women who will wear transparent or low-cut blouses that show their nipples or shirts that show the upper portion of their breasts, just to attract men’s curiosity.

Why? Because they need the attention. They know you will look; and you will look lustfully.

It is a shame, for a mature guy like me, to spend my valuable minutes ogling at a woman, just because she has some parts of her body or thong showing. The shame notwithstanding, I will look.

Men are usually cool though. The women provoke us by deliberately demanding for excessive attention. They know our weaknesses are thin; and they know we can’t touch their boobs, thongs or nipples unless they allow us to. But they will market them anyway!

But because they never get satisfied with their looks, they end up ruining their relationships by being cheated they look awesome yet they aren’t. They tend to lean on those men who recognize their dresses, pants, boobs, nipples, jeans and hairstyles, at the expense of serving their spouses. These men could just be players and will never marry them. Please, dear women, wake up! You are spoiling your marriages by seeking too much attention elsewhere.

*Real names hidden.

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